Today I met with a new friend, E. E is from an eastern European country and is working here in the UK. She's lived here for about 3 years. She is a Chrstn, but I don't know a lot about her specific beliefs yet. In fact I've just really met her. I met E because she attends a bbl study for internationals at Stag. E was very recently diagnosed with clinical depression, and had been depressed for a couple months before she sought medical help. Her depression is severe, to the point that she doesn't enjoy doing anything, even the things she used to love. She finds it very hard to go to work, and even when she is there she frequently can't get any work done because she simply can't make even a small decision. She said she has felt like her mind is dead- silent, blank, no thoughts, no feelings, just nothing. She admitted that she had had thoughts of suicide in the past, that her life wasn't worth living in this state. She was able to get on some medication 3 weeks ago, and just yesterday she began to notice some improvement.
Beyond the medication, she has recognized with her doctor's help that she has a lot of negative self thoughts, which cause her to think negatively about herself and to view things in her world negatively. She has made an active choice to change those thoughts, and today she asked me many deep questions, although we have just met. She asked me where I found my self value, how I knew that my husband loved me, what things give me true happiness... she said she feels she is not pretty, and that no one would love her. When she looks in the mirror she said she feels she has aged a lot because of the depression and now looks old. Some of these things are because of her depression, but she said she had some of these thoughts before she felt depressed as well. I only met with E for an hour, but I struggled with not crying with almost every sentence she said- it breaks my heart for her to look at herself as worthless and valueless.
I pr-ed about what I could offer to E in our meetings together. After all, I am not clinically depressed, and I am not a trained counsellor, and although we all go through bouts of minor depression, I have never been in her shoes. What could I offer her? How could I be gentle with her feelings, and truly help her walk through this experience? I so desperately want her to see her real value! As I pr-ed about it, I felt like the most important thing I can offer her is the truth about herself, and to share with her the absolute root of where my own self worth comes from, and that is from my relationship with JC. My relationship with Gd is the source of my life purpose and my self worth. Even though she believes in JC, because of her illness right now she may not be able to accept that she is valuable to Gd, and that her life impacts others in a valuable way. But over time I hope she will. I want to give her a listening ear, and words that affirm her self worth- a human contact who loves her and can consistently affirm her with positive words. A confirmation that she isn't the only one, and that although it is difficult for her to believe, her view of herself right now simply doesn't reflect the real truth about her.
When you look in the mirror at your reflection, I hope E will come to mind, and that you will say a short pr for her. She is far from home, in an alien culture, speaking a different language, and struggling desperately with this depression. Until E's medication begins to work, she will not be able to fully tackle these issues of self worth and negative thoughts about life. Will you please pr with me for E that the medication will be used by Gd to make her brain function properly again? Please pr that Gd will give me resources and insight into how to truly help her during this time, and to help her eventually to begin to replace her negative thoughts and feelings with positive feelings of her self worth, her value, and her appearance. She knows that I am pring for her, and that others are as well.
If any of you have been clinically depressed and would be willing to share your experience with me, please email me. E is asking me questions about the experiences of others who have recovered from depression, and I think it would be encouraging to her to hear the successes of others who have been through it. Also, if you know of any truly helpful and accurate books about depression, do pass those one. In researching this I've found an awful lot of horribly wrong concepts and ideas about depression, and I'd like something from an accurate counselling perspective.
Thank you for pring for E with me!
Please tell E she is not alone. There are many and various sorts of depression. Some people can get by with simply counseling, others do well with medication and counseling. I found that it was the combination of meds and counsel which worked best for me and of course it took time.
ReplyDeleteMy depression was situational and hers may also be due to a combination of changes she has gone through lately coupled with things that built up from her past. I got through it and feel stronger than ever. There is hope : )
I had some minor depression early this year. I think you are doing what a good friend can do. Your compassion will help ease her pains. Other than that, you can try to find out what bothers her the most and help her make a little bit accomplishment in that field.
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